Saturday, 8 January 2011

Swimming Costume Underwear - Inventive, or Just Another Low Point?

I'm not entirely sure how it's now almost a month since my last blog (that thing happened where my life flies by again), but here we are, over a week into January and I still haven't even had time to figure out what my New Year's Resolutions are. Well, actually, I have had the time, I have just avoided the annual 'how shit am I and what can I do about it?' self-evaluation process. I have, however, somehow had the time to play RockBand for over two hours until I got a 100% score on a song (an excellent way to bring in the new year, I thought), go to the pub with my dad so we can people watch, get drunk and compare the similarities of our hands, and also (the main product of all my effort), figure out that if I stare at my dad's new dog and constantly blink for ten minutes, he will fall asleep. Maybe I should give up on university and go into pet hypnosis. People would buy into that, wouldn't they? I could charge people money to watch their animals act like other animals. 'Watch your dog cluck like a chicken! Watch your chicken bark like a dog!' etc. etc.

Christmas has been pretty uneventful this year, apart from a minor fire during Christmas dinner (which, I still maintain, was not my fault. If there are napkins and candles on the table at the same time, shit is going to go down). I got a pretty good haul of presents (cheers, Santa) and, as happens every year, had lots of fun popping bubble wrap on Christmas morning. My mother wasn't best pleased when I had used a newspaper to wrap my presents and hers was wrapped in the obituaries, but you know, it's what's inside that counts. I got an 'Addictaball' from the twins, which is basically just a ball with a maze and a smaller ball inside. We spent about three hours, if not more, attempting to complete it the other day and after much swearing, throwing and a few (almost) tears, we gave up. Only to pick it up again five minutes later. Work has been, as always, outrageously busy. I think the general public have difficulty drawing the line between buying food for Christmas, and buying food to go into hibernation. Is there any need to buy ten loaves of bread when we are going to be open two days after? How much food can one family possibly consume in such a short time? By Christmas Eve I was definitely ready to snap - there's only so many times you can hear Frosty the Snowman and not wish the person in charge of the music was Jewish. I did sort of enjoy what Natalie calls The Annual Clean, though. Every year just before Christmas, we take all the counter tops off and clean out everything underneath. Sometimes, if you're lucky, you might find 50p or a pen that you lost mid-June. Thinking about it, this is probably the sort of thing we should do every week and the big, bad ass bullies from environmental health would more than likely have something to say about it...

Christmas Eve got slightly better after I'd finished work, however, as I was lucky enough to accompany my mother to church (another of my annual events). Usually, I get ridiculously bored/hungry/in desperate need of a wee when I am in church, but there was a lot to keep me amused in this service, mainly the man two rows behind who started singing the hymn off-time. Doesn't sound that funny, but when you're in the middle of church you're clutching at comical straws, really. And comical it was. I spent the next ten minutes in uncontrollable shakes trying to avoid the eye rolls from the copious amounts of pensioners surrounding me. After I had sufficiently recovered, I was soon scolded by my mother for putting my contact lenses in. Apparently God's house is not an 'appropriate' place to enhance my eyesight. Although really, it's his fault I have bad eye sight in the first place so I think letting me improve it is really the least he could do.

Joy of joys, Chester and dissertation work beckons me once again and I will be heading back to books and bedlam tomorrow. Hopefully, anyway, unless the snow decides to reek havoc with my plans again. I had to lower myself to getting the train home in December as my dad was snowed in and couldn't come and collect me. Usually, I wouldn't have been that fussed, but I had planned on bringing an entire bag of washing home for Christmas, which I obviously couldn't take on the train, so for the past three weeks clothes have been somewhat scarce. Not scarce as in I haven't worn any, although I'm sure that would be a nice treat for everyone, just scarce as in I've had to do more washing. Or, alternatively, wear a swimming costume as a substitute for underwear.

1 comment:

Thinking outloud said...

I have actually done that, worn swimming shorts as underwear...no one noticed. I would not however advise the reverse - wear underwear in place of swimming shorts!