Sunday, 28 February 2010

'We're Just Dominating The World At The Moment - That'll Be £3,000 of Tuition Fees!"

As I'm sure previous blogs have made quite clear, I do not have the greatest luck in the world, nor do I make the best decisions, often leaving me in despairing, uncomfortable and/or expensive situations. This week's Bad Decision has proven to be a situation of the despairing kind. For some reason (mainly, I am a tit), my friend Fiona and I have decided to do our English presentation on Lord Byron, despite the fact that neither of us have actually read any of his poems. Nor do we hold any knowledge in relation to his life, which is proving to be a little tricky as the presentation is conveniently titled: Auto-Biographical Elements of Lord Byron's Writings. In our defence, we did spend a few hours in the library on Wednesday trying to gather together some scraps of information but all we learnt was that apparently he was a raving paedophile and, according to Wikipedia, was 'mad, bad and dangerous to know'. Sounds quite attractive, really. Well, you know, minus the paedophile thing. We also found a collection of letters to his mother and half-sister, most of which sounded worryingly like 19th century booty-calls. In the end though, we spent most of the time taking the piss out of each other's accents and listing reasons why Northern people are better than Southern people. (She did attempt a counter argument, but it was shit so I didn't listen.) She has obviously taken the time to put extra effort into the presentation as she turned up to the library today bearing this as a gift:




To be fair, I was extremely pleased as it quite accurately represents Jade Cole, an unforgettable face of America's Next Top Model (not America's Next Top Best Friend, as she so helpfully points out) with whom me and Jayne have recently formed a fondness of, so much so that we have resorted to going back to old episodes on BT Vision to watch her amazing performance of Leftover Lady. (For the record, I hate ANTM and watch if for comedic reasons only... )

I'm going to have to watch what I wear for the actual presentation tomorrow morning as this particular tutor seems unable to grasp the concepts of social etiquette; she once spent ten minutes of seminar time laying into a girl in our class and declaring how much said girl's boots offended her. I'm not entirely sure why, or even how, a pair of shoes can offend a person - I was just glad it directed the attention away from my 'Jesus Told Me The Qur'an Is Bullshit' t-shirt, which probably wouldn't have gone down a treat. The tutor in question is pretty hilarious though, I'd say, despite being picky on footwear, she is probably my favourite. The girl in question didn't seem particularly pleased and I hope for her sake that she is wearing what would be considered 'non-offensive' footwear tomorrow. (I was joking about the t-shirt by the way. He actually told me it was a pretty good read.)

I am currently writing this entry to put off checking my online bank balance, something which I have been avoiding for quite some time now. I often wonder where all my money is going at university, especially so when I go into a seminar to be greeted by my tutor looking slightly manic and informing me that we're 'just dominating the world at the moment'. I then spent the next twenty minutes watching, baffled, as he, along with a bit of input from the computer nerds of the class, built his own civilisation on a computer game magnified on the projector. He was all excited and happy until the leader board came up and showed his country was only ranking number five, resulting in a stream of swear words and leading him to adopt a relatively demonic disposition for the rest of the seminar. Still, it didn't completely lack productivity - whilst pretending to be interested, I taught myself how to use chopsticks with my pen, a goal I've been trying to achieve for at least three years now. I'll admit, it's not as good as a degree, but it's something to write home about nonetheless.

This week marks a very special week in regards to my degree. Yes, that's right - it's conference week! A thrilling experience, I think you'll all agree. This time last year I was forced to sit through three hours of listening to the most mundane lecturer known to man talk about cycling and the environment... In all honesty, this year it seems to actually be quite interesting, and today's speeches even involved a picture of Pete Doherty, which was enough incentive for me to stay there and listen as opposed to sneaking out at the first opportunity. Although, I did spend a fair amount of time trying to see into my bag of FruitPastilles from where I was sat in a vain attempt to avoid the grape flavoured ones... Tomorrow's speech is on Active Audience: Conceptualising The Video Gamer, which I'm sure will be just as gripping. Watch this space...

No comments: