Tuesday, 15 December 2009

"Listen Nana, F*ck Off Right!"

Finally, the time has come and my essays are 100% finished, referenced and handed in. I had a feeling of relief for a whole ten minutes before I remembered I had two novels to read and a presentation to work on. Last week was a good week though; Kezia, Gemma, Sarah, my mother, Auntie Sue and Baz came to visit Chester - Gemma had the added benefit of getting to travel down in the car with my mother, SatNav and all, for a whole two hours, arriving unacceptably ten minutes after the SatNav's scheduled arrival time of 8:19. I took Kez, Gem and Sarah to the SU on Friday and showed them what they had been missing out on all this time... two bars, a tiny dance floor, and a lot of sweaty people. Still, we had a fun night and ended up walking into town to get pizza which was good, albeit the fact that I had to walk there in Sarah's size 5.5 heels because her feet were hurting and I was the only not wearing shoes that would find it difficult making it through customs due to the size of their heels. I woke up on the Saturday morning to the sound of Jayne being sick and calling work, pretending to be someone else and saying she couldn't make it in. She was then told that the employee's 'friend' was not a liable source and therefore had to ring back, in a brand new voice, and claim that she had been 'throwing up all night'... Any employer would be lucky to have her. We all went for a 'family meal' on Saturday night and then to the pub, which would have been more fun had I not been missing the X Factor final at time, but as is life.
I'm now back in Bradford (after a two hour car journey of listening to nothing but my mother argue with the SatNav) and had my first shift back at work yesterday. There was a new character behind the counter called Karen with whom I spent most of the day slagging off the new shop layout. It was only when my shift was over at 4 that someone told me she was actually the new deli manager... brilliant. Starting to wonder what the appeal ever was in Bradford; went shopping in Leeds today with Kez and on the bus back had the misfortune of sitting behind two chavs, in matching chavvy attire (romantic, I know), and watching the lad try to impress the girl with various tales from his life including how his cousin 'Kyle' beat up a cage fighter when he was started on at a party the other week. He then continued to describe an argument he'd had with his nan over getting out of bed to go to work... 'so I was like, "listen Nana, fuck off right, don't start with me" and she was like, "don't swear," so I was like, "I'll fuckin' swear if I fuckin' want to" ' and so on and so forth went the argument. He also called Thornton a 'bag of wank'... Fortunately, by the time their stop came, the girl looked like she was ready to open the window and throw herself out before the bus came to a complete stop, so I guess that holds out some hope for humanity in the future, doesn't it?

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