Friday, 28 August 2009

There's No Point To Forever Without You

I'm currently trying to ease my hyperventilation by distracting myself from Breaking Dawn and Bella and Edward's marriage (I've recently become obssessed with the Twilight series and it's all I have done/thought about/breathed for the past two weeks). I'm actually in love with Edward Cullen. Actually head over heels in love. It seems no boy will ever be good enough again, because no one will ever be him, and if they're not him... then I don't want to be with them...

Since I've been so side-tracked from my actual life, I can't fully remember the past week or so, however I can't imagine anything riveting will have happened, judging by the fact that the most gripping thing to happen today was a customer wearing braces with pin badges of every type of bird imaginable... (braces for trousers, not teeth - that would be gripping). Unfortunately, customers are not improving; just yesterday I went to serve a man, who was first in the queue, and this snotty, menopausal woman started dropping comments to her mate about how being first in the queue was obviously not taken into consideration in "this place" - I decidedly didn't serve her and enjoyed watching her facial expressions go through the motions as she realised I had heard and was deliberately avoiding her. We've also got a new shop manager who is not quite the bed of roses I would have liked - he decided that my lip ring doesn't compliment the "image we are trying to portray" and made me, after three years of working with it in, take it out. Colleen later saw him grinding the noses of his ten-year-old children to the ground, watching them scrub shelves while chanting 'retail is detail'... I'm quite glad he doesn't linger around the deli much, I almost got caught out today when he walked around the corner and I was half way through tying Rachel's apron to the slicer... Thankfully, he didn't overhear our game of Cruise-Marry-OneNightStand and witness Caite shouting, 'I'd have a one night stand with Saddam Hussain' to a bunch of customers...

Anyway, I am off to read some more Breaking Dawn - I want to finish it before I go back to Chester so I can actually start reading the books on my reading list... I have promised myself to do more work this year and actually read the books, not just watch the film with subtitles and class it as reading... Over and out!

Monday, 17 August 2009

Oh Danny Boy, The Pipes The Pipes Are Calling

Possible ways to explain or escape punishment for the red hair dye on the stairs when my mother returns from Egypt:
  • Question why she is only noticing it now when it has "been there for years"
  • Create similar blotches all the way up the stairs and claim that is the carpet design, and has always been so
  • Cut out cardboard monster feet and place them all the way up the stairs leading to my mother's bedroom, strategically covering hair dye stains in the process
  • Wrap a bandage around Kezia's head and explain she fell down the stairs, spilling tomato soup as she did so. Hopefully sympathy will displace anger

Other than scrubbing away at bright red hair dye stains with hairspray, Stardrops bleach, Vanish etc., nothing much of interest has happened since my last rivetting blog. Note to self: stop doing things that could get you fired at work. I was shouted at today by my ever so friendly boss as she happened to enter the deli area just as I was putting on show my masterpiece (a smiley face, complete with nose ring, drawn onto a pizza base). Apparently, there were more important things to do... I was also informed by my trusty co-worker that when she was in the office the other day, all she could see on the security cameras was me chasing after a helium balloon behind the counter. I then proceeded to pierce it, inhale the helium, and perform a heartwrenching rendition of 'Danny Boy' for staff and customers alike. What a treat.

Saturday, 8 August 2009

Mini Road Trips, and Things Less Exciting

I hate customers:

  • who think the sun shines out of their child's arse, and continue to think this as said child speeds down the counter touching every square inch of clean glass
  • who think that what the label says, goes. 'Can I have an onion bhaji?' 'That's chocolate cake...' 'But the label says onion bhaji...'
  • who are at least sixty-five years of age and ask me if it hurts my boyfriend when I kiss him with my lip ring in, and then give me a creepy wink and ask if we can try it out

I definitely do not get paid enough for this. I have worked 42 hours this week and have had very little sleep over the past two nights. I went out on Thursday night and got spectacularly drunk, so much so that by the time I started at 8am on Friday I was still completely off my face. But it was fun to catch up with my old school gang =) And on Wednesday I went out for a drive with Sally and we saw horses and talked about things, so that was fun. And that's pretty much it for my riveting life at the moment, how for now!